It's Late

I'm tired. LOL. Was reading my last post. I'm all over the place in that one. Illustrates how I'm feeling. Ah well. Those are the breaks. I'm setting a goal to blog more. We'll see how that goes.

Ta-ra

hrm....

I'm restless. Really restless. I just want to read but I feel like I'm trying to project myself more and more into the books I read. I haven't written in a while because I feel like I would show up and complain yet again about not being part of a couple. I'm even tired of that topic. The feeling hasn't lessened, it's stayed at a pretty constant level of desperation. Even more so because I have no idea what to do about the situation. I've tried some on-line options and those haven't panned out. I work with a bunch of women and unavailable men. So....what?

I'm reduced to reading romantic adventure fiction and wishing for a big strong guy to call me baby. Seriously. I hate when I hear people call each other pet names...I don't want to be witness to it. But after I've finished a book and turned out the lights and am trying to fall asleep...I would give just about anything to be cuddled up to someone who when I'm sad, or even when I'm not will just whisper, "it's okay, baby". How pathetic does that make me. Okay, okay, I feel more pathetic than I probably am. sigh

Not much else new right now. I'm vegging at the 'rents until tomorrow morning when I'll head back to teach my class in the a.m. I really don't think I'm going to do it next year. It really tanks my weekend to have to go back and teach on Sunday morning. Oh well. It's an extra $10 a week.

I close my eyes and I can almost...just barely feel his arms around me. sigh

It sucks to be a hopeless romantic, it really does. Effing wedding shows depress the hell out of me.

Dad kinda joked when I moved to my town....it's near a couple of bases. I could meet a guy in uniform. Frankly, I don't want to be a military wife. I admire military spouses. They put up with sooooooo much. I wouldn't mind someone who's retired from the military....but then again--who the hell am I to be picky. I wish I had the nerve to go to a bar on my own.

I'm depressing myself....I jot more later.

Ah...hypocrisy...

So....I'm mulling over an exchange I had with a co-worker which has confounded me. In relation to this story which she is just hearing about...
My comment was that my world would not come to a crashing halt if (big if... HUGE if....gigantic IF) it turned out that Jesus was in fact married to Mary Magdalen. I'm not trying to blaspheme...or anything...just, it wouldn't blow me away. She sorta freaked. Talking about how it would totally change how she felt about Jesus.
I explained that if we believe that Jesus was truely human and truely divine (which I believe(and which probably makes this point moot)) and without sin (which I believe) it's not out of the bounds of reality that he could have been married.
But, she replies, how could the church have been around so long and it not be revealed in scripture (Jesus didn't talk about a family)?
To which I sort of sarcastically make the comment that the church chose what scriptures were included in the canon.
and she posits that the Church was guided by the Holy Spirit (a point I didn't deny and in which I have faith)....
and I reply with....well the Church has been run by "humans" and not the Holy Spirit.
and she moves away......only to say...."you wouldn't teach this opinion in your religion class would you?"
Out loud...."Uh...no....NEVER....unless I wanted to lose my job"
In my head ...."Are you seriously asking me that??? pull your head out....I said I don't actually believe this fact--just that it wouldn't break my faith....panic girl...sheesh"

so....a bit later I was telling her how one of the junior high girls saw Jesus during exposition of the Blessed Sacrament.

and she acts like it's unbelievable. oh ye of little faith.....