lonely looking sky, lonely sky

Our fair Strumpet (she is you know….pale northern European…and tries to be fair to everyone) is a bit depressed today. Well not depressed so much as melancholy (?)… here’s me trying to think of the best “moody” word. The potential for romance is the thing that always throws me. I was out walkin’ the pooch this morning. We’ve had some snow and this morning I was awed by the beauty of the sparkles in the snow. Fascinated really - I was walking with my head down just looking at the ground. Wishing wishing wishing that I had a special someone to share my thoughts with.
Now…it’s not a thing you would share with a friend more of a lover/boyfriendy thing. Friends. Hmmm. Here’s where I have a bit of a problem. I have a lot (an abundance really -- that I’m grateful for) of people who I’m friendly with. I haven’t had a friend with whom I can share “deep dark secrets” with for some time. My “closest friend”, I’ve known since junior high. Unfortunately, she’s becoming more and more like her mom. Distant and judgmental. Strumpet (that’s me) is a very affectionate person. I tend to be less demonstrative than I’d like to be because a lot of people aren’t comfortable with it. CF (close friend) isn’t so much and never has been she isn’t even that demonstrative with her husband. Which brings me to…..
I’m in my early thirties. Everyone I know who is around my age, all of those friendly people….are married or engaged. The only single people I know are my younger sis’s age. Really discouraging. Really. So now what do I do? How do I meet the single guys who aren’t complete losers? Not into the bar scene….nope nope nope. Have tried the internet thing and crashed and burned more than once. The big name singles sites. Incredibly disheartening. (having fun with the word processor’s thesaurus finding words for “depressing”.)
Don’t get me wrong. I can function on my own. I can pay bills (most of the time). I am a well-rounded person who has a lot of interests. But I more often than not feel incredibly lonely. It’s a freakin’ awful feeling. I don’t like it. I’m amazed at how I brazen through everything. I’m sure friends (see above) suspect my loneliness but I keep it under wraps as much as possible. Hmmmmm……
STRUMPET’S WISH LIST
One or more of the following please:
Caring, politically compatible, bigger than me, comfortable with crying (me not him), comfortable with kids, comfortable with dogs (specifically mine), sense of humor, can cook, generally happy (because in spite of this entry, I am), intelligent (not necessarily educated….), public hand holder, cuddler/snuggler, enjoys an occasional lazy afternoon, doesn’t talk through movies, competent and reasonably courteous driver, responsible, has a job, has future plans, understands my need to read trash (oh yes, I do), gets along with my family, honest, tactful,…….(I’m sure there are more things….this is a good starting point).
And back to the beginning….took a break a bit ago to take the pooch out…. bitty ice pellets falling from the sky. It’s pretty amazing how something that can bring about so much danger (with idiots driving) can be peaceful…and a little awesome.
Enough of the rambly rambles.